I’ve always felt very average. Nothing about me has ever been stand-out. I have an average appearance, an average job, and a seemingly average life. I always wished I could be more, but it seemed like no matter how hard I tried I always fell just short.
When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I was ecstatic. I always wanted to be a mom and all of my dreams were going to come true. Except that, I was going to be a single mom. That made me feel less than average. Like I had somehow failed both myself and my daughter.
When my daughter was born, I made her a promise. I promised that she would always have everything she ever wanted or needed. That despite being a single mother, I would make sure she had an incredible life and that she would never go without because I couldn’t give her a traditional family.
The first few months of being a single mom were so tough. I remember crying because I was so exhausted. Wishing and begging for just three hours of uninterrupted sleep. I didn’t feel average at all in those moments. I felt less than average, I felt like a massive failure. I felt like I couldn’t figure anything out and that my daughter and I would have to live with my parents forever because how does a single mom buy a house on her own?
Out of the blue, an opportunity was presented to me. I was given a chance to take a job, and it was going to pay really well. The problem though, was that I was going to have to cut my maternity leave short. How could I do it? I feel so blessed to live in Canada and be able to have a year for maternity leave. The first year of a child’s life is so important, and I didn’t want to miss any of my daughter’s special moments.
I lay in bed one night, wondering what was the right thing to do? My eyes filled with tears because I wondered if my daughter would forget that I was her mother if I wasn’t with her all of the time. I asked God for a sign. Something to tell me that taking that job was the right decision.
I got up and watched my daughter sleep in her crib. She looked so peaceful and angelic. I so badly wanted to give her the life she deserved. I never wanted her to go without. And that was my sign. Looking at her, I could see our future and knew that taking the job was the right thing to do.
I took the job, and it was the hardest and best decision I have ever made. Leaving my baby was tough, but coming home at the end of every day and seeing her smile and reach for me and say my name completely melted my heart. It made me treasure every moment with her and appreciate the time we get to spend together even more. And she never forgot I was her mother. ‘Mama’ was her first word. I cried when she said it. She looked right at me and said it loud and clear, and then gave me a little toothless grin. In that moment, I knew that everything was going to be okay and that creating a better future for the two of us was exactly what I needed to be doing.
Fast-forward to my daughters first birthday. She turns one tomorrow. I am in better financial shape that I have ever been. I saved a pretty big down payment for a house completely on my own, and am hoping to buy a house for her and I in the very near future.
I am average in a lot of ways, but not when it comes to being a mom. I proved to myself that I can do anything I set my mind and heart on. Yes, there were many sleepless nights and there were days when I went to work with less than two hours of sleep. I made lots of other sacrifices too, but they were all so worth it.
I hope that one day my daughter can look back and see that hard work and determination pay off. I hope she can look at me and see that her mom is average in a lot of ways, but that when it comes to loving her and providing for her, that I am more than average. I am a super-mom when it comes to my daughter. It isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.