Facebook and Mommy Groups

When I was pregnant, a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to join one of her mom groups on Facebook. I immediately told her that I wasn’t interested, as I had heard they were nothing but drama.

I wish I had taken my own advice and stayed away.

When I first started blogging, I realized that my audience wasn’t very big. I didn’t know how to reach more people. I tried Twitter and promoted through my own Facebook page, but I wasn’t getting the views I wanted. An editor had suggested to me that I join some mommy groups online and allow people whom I might not ever connect with otherwise the chance to see my blog.

So I joined some of the bigger mommy groups. I rarely posted, other than links to my blog. I read a lot of the posts that other moms made and they were judgemental and mean and catty. The posts sometimes had 200 or more responses of ladies bickering back and forth over a difference of opinion.

After a while, I joined some smaller groups. These groups also had drama, but you got to know the members better because instead of 15,000 members, there was usually only 500-1000.

I promoted my blog and made some new friends and got some good advice. Suddenly I found myself in about 20 different mommy groups. Some were wise, some funny, some full of drama and some full of nonsense. But nevertheless, I enjoyed them and it really did help with my blogging.

One particular group was the most addicting. The women in it would say and do things that were silly and funny and sometimes lacked logic or common sense. I would sometimes comment on their posts and often, people would agree with what I said. And I noticed that the same people agreed with my opinions a lot of the time. It wasn’t long before I became online friends with those people as we shared the same values and beliefs.

But then something happened. Suddenly, my new friends and I became judgy. We became catty. We became the kind of drama I did not want to get involved in. We would often talk about things that members of other groups said and made fun of their questions, parenting choices, opinions, views and life decisions. I knew I was being harsh and I knew that I was better than that, but I couldn’t stop. It was like the drama in itself became an obsession that I could not control.

It started to consume me. I looked for drama. I found it easily and once it was found, it was easy for everyone else to get involved and judge. We judged a lot of people for very stupid reasons. Reasons that were not nice or didn’t merit judgement.

I hurt some people by doing this. I hurt people who did not deserve to feel hurt. I betrayed who I was and became who I did not want to be. And it cost me a lot. It cost friendships of nice people that I met online. It cost my values and beliefs. I did not want to be that person, yet I became that person, all because I got caught in something that consumed me and something I thrived on.

I feel terrible about those whose feelings were hurt. I’ve always taken pride in being a nice person, but after I hurt those individuals, I didn’t feel like a nice person. I felt really low. Knowing that someone was feeling bad because of me was not a nice feeling. It caused me to feel guilt, shame and remorse.

To anyone I hurt; I am truly so sorry. I learned a life lesson in all of this and have since removed myself from most Facebook mom groups.

I also experienced a form of bullying because of this. People began to attack my blog. They left nasty comments and three people left threats. It was so upsetting because I have never been threatened before. Unfortunately, this experience has left me no choice but to change the settings on my blog so that user comments can only be seen if approved by me. I’ve always valued comments but cannot have people leaving threats against me and my daughter. And while I may change the settings back in the future, for now they need to remain in their new form as I cannot and will not tolerate people behaving in such a manner.

I know that moving forward I will be better. I will do better, and I will hold myself to a higher standard. If it’s not kind, loving or said with concern, then I will not say anything at all. I want to be the best person I can possibly be so that I am setting a good example for my daughter. I want to teach her about kindness, love and acceptance and teaching by showing is one of the best ways to set that example.

There’s an old Cherokee Legend that came to mind after all of this. I’ve copied it below as I feel it is a shining example of what I learned through all of this.

An old Cherokee was teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

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7 thoughts on “Facebook and Mommy Groups

  1. I have had a similar experience with mom groups on Facebook. They are all drama, and it is extremely easy to get swept up in it all. I’ve found “Breaking Mom” subset of Reddit to be the most supportive, non-judgmental ladies. And I occasionally post my blog posts on Reddit, which I usually get a lot of traffic from. 🙂

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    1. I’ll definitely have to check that out!!

      Facebook mom groups can be a great source of advice and support, but it can also be a place where people are purposely mean to each other, and I feel guilty of that.

      Blogging and writing are my passion and that’s where my energy will be focused going forward 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the drama. You are the bigger person by posting this and any negativity brought on by this post isn’t something that should bring you stress. Keep doing what you’re doing ❤️

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  3. People who are coming on here and threatening you are to be pitied. They are judging you based on one thing they know about you. And one side of the story.

    Anyone who is here to threaten Katie is clearly and obviously a jerk. She made a mistake. She admitted to it. She apologized for it and is trying to move on. People who are spamming her blog are feeding off the drama and are hypocrites.

    I’ve known Katie a long time. She’s kind to a fault and would help anyone out. She made some bad judgements and is trying to move on from it. Anyone who is trying to drag her down for that is way worse.

    I love your blog Katie. Keep up the good work and remember that the people who know you and love you know your true heart.

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  4. What you have said in this post is the reason why I just ignore the drama. Drama feeds drama. I’m not going to lie, there are times when I have wanted to post something about it in these groups but it is just counterproductive. I talk to my SO about it so that I’m not going to just explode one day but other than that, the best thing to do is just walk away. I also try not to comment anything that may be misconstrued in any way. I always find myself starting to comment and then realizing nope, people may read this the wrong way and just leave without commenting.
    Thanks for being honest and truthful!

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  5. You know what I find the worst in all of this? How terrible people have been to you, Katie.

    You publicly apologized for causing hurt. You made a blog post that can be seen by anyone in the world. How many people have done that after they offended someone? How many people publicly acknowledged their faults and opened up their feelings to the world?

    How many of you, who have left threats and nasty messages, have been guilty of saying not-so-nice things about someone else? How many of you have laughed at something someone else said or did online? How many of you have said unkind words? How many of you have gossiped about someone? How many of you have judged another person? Every single one of you. Yeah that’s right. All of you.

    How many of you who did those things made a public apology for it? How many of you tried to take something negative and create something positive out of it? Probably none.

    You came here and threatened Katie, and her daughter, and tried to condone her for something she already admitted she did was wrong. But none of you are any better. In fact, you’re the worst kind of hypocrite that exists. You, in trying to tell someone else what they did was wrong, are doing the exact same thing. Only with threats. Marinate in that for a second. You threatened a woman and her child because you didn’t like something she did.

    I saw the posts that some of you made or attempted to make. Despicable. To think that you are trying to come here and act holier-than-thou, all the while you are behaving in the absolute nastiest way possible makes me feel bad for you and your kids. How dare any of you call someone out for something they apologized for, only to act 100 times worse in doing so.

    What’s more to add to all of this is that it’s very clear that those who are acting in such a manner are talking about it and still thriving off the drama. If you weren’t guilty of this, then you wouldn’t be here making posts on the daily. Don’t forget your IP address attaches to every post that you attempt to make. It’s clear the same people are gossiping about Katie and encouraging their friends to come here and harass her.

    Katie, I know you personally and know you are a kind, sweet soul who made some bad judgments and did some things you regret and feel bad about. The fact that you can learn from it and move forward despite these cowards who are threatening you just shows you’re the better person.

    Keep on blogging. Keep on posting. We love your blog and will always read it. For every one person who doesn’t like you there are 1000 that love you. Eventually these petty people will realize that are acting in an inexcusable way and will realize that they are the ones who need help.

    Can’t wait till you get your book deal!

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