In the first year of being a single mother, I thought I had heard it all. I got a ton of nosy questions from a bunch of people I didn’t know that well. The questions were often inappropriate and really pissed me off. As time passed, I got better at answering them and I thought I knew how to respond to most questions that people would ask me. However, people never fail to amaze me and even when I shut them down with one question; they would come back at me with another. It’s like people have zero filter when they speak to someone with a situation different than their own.
My daughter is now 16 months and I truly am not sure if the questions will ever stop. And I’m also not sure why people think asking these questions is okay or how any of it is their business. Nevertheless, it makes for an interesting blog post. So without further ado, here are more questions that piss me off:
Why are you still single? Well, former coworker from ten years ago that I ran into at the grocery store, I should redirect you to my blog because I’m pretty sure I have already wrote an entire post about that. But to summarize, I am single because I want to be. I’ve gone on a few dates and had no interest with the direction things were going. I could easily find a relationship for the sake of having a relationship, but that’s like eating a Big Mac when you aren’t even hungry. Empty calories. I’m content with my life and don’t need a significant other to be happy. But maybe you do? Otherwise, why would you ask that?
How do you afford it? Well, to put it simply; I haul ass. I work really hard and save everything I can so that I can (hopefully very soon) buy a house for me and my daughter. I gave up my maternity leave to go back to work early and I am currently looking at pursuing more education to further help secure my future. It hasn’t been easy and I am basically exhausted all of the time, but I am proud of the example I am setting for my daughter.
Do you plan on having more kids? **if I say maybe** But they’ll have different dads!??!?? No shit. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Would you also mind telling me what color my eyes are, I think I forgot about that, too. In all seriousness, this is something that I think about often. But I always remind myself that no two families are alike and as long as they are made up of love and respect then who cares what they look like? Non-traditional families are just as common as traditional families. It shouldn’t be some shocking revelation that there is a family out there that doesn’t have a mom and dad and 2.2 kids. And if it is that shocking you need to get out more because you are obviously ill-informed on modern family structure.
How often does her dad see her? I understand that most people ask this question and don’t realize how personal it feels, but the truth is; it’s a very personal and very sensitive subject. It’s like asking a person that just recently went through a divorce if they finished with legalities yet or if they figured out the custody agreement. It can bring up bad memories or make a person feel really emotional. If you are close with me then you know the answer already and if you aren’t close to me that means that you don’t know me well enough to ask. Please reference to this when asking a single parent this question. You could really save someone’s (very vulnerable) feelings.
I feel bad for you. I realize this isn’t a question, but I honestly don’t want your pity. Charlotte and I are more than fine. We are happy, healthy, have amazing family support, awesome friends and never have to worry or want for anything. We may not have a perfect life or situation in your eyes, but we are perfectly happy with being imperfect 🙂
Single parents don’t have it easy. We have to juggle a lot of different things and work really hard to provide for our families. So with that in mind, please use your filter when talking to us. When you run into us at the gas station or grocery store, please do me a favor and remember to NOT ask these questions. We’ll really appreciate it and maybe even toast a glass of wine to you that evening!