I have heard a lot of insults over my lifetime. Every person has. And most of the time they really don’t bother me because I know that they either aren’t true or are coming from someone with their own issues. But recently, someone tried to insult me for being a single mother and I found it really puzzling because why would being a single mom somehow be a physical or character flaw that someone sees in me?
I started thinking about it and realized that maybe that person somehow sees single mothers as failures. People who let relationships crumble and people who were unable to work things out with their former partners. I can’t speak for any other single mom, but for my own situation, I am a single mom because someone else chose to walk away. I didn’t make that decision and there are times where I am still very resentful over it but I also know that it was a blessing in disguise – for so many reasons.
Here’s the thing about single moms. We are strong. We are smart. We are determined. We are fighters. We never give up. We go on very little sleep. We are fearless. We love our children. And above all of that, we would do anything for our kids. Anything.
It makes me sad to think that someone would look at those qualities and see them as a way to insult someone. Being a single mom is not a source of shame for me, it’s a source of pride. It’s looking at my daughter and knowing that everything about her has come from me. Her personality, her manners, her laugh, her big heart and her determined (and sometimes stubborn) attitude. All of that is a direct reflection of how I am raising her and I am proud of the sweet little person she is becoming.
Being a single mom has also taught me tons about priorities. Before I had my daughter, home ownership and furthering my education weren’t overly important to me. But since having my daughter, I have worked my ass off to save every cent I can and in less than a month, home ownership will be our reality. I did it entirely on my own. And whether or not anyone else sees it as a big deal, I don’t even care. Because it is a very big deal to me. And showing my daughter that I did it on my own is something that I hope she can look at someday and realize that big things can be accomplished if you’re willing to work hard for them.
My daughter also inspired me to further my education. Come September I will be a full-time working single mother and part-time social work student. I know it is going to be a lot on my plate but I am so ready for it. I am ready to show my daughter how determined I am. I am ready to show her that hard work pays off. And I am ready to show her that I am a strong woman who is out to set the best example possible for her daughter and that being a single mom has changed my life for the better.
All of these things make me proud to be a single mom. I wake up every day and make choices. Sometimes the choices are not easy and sometimes I am not even sure if I am making the right choices. But every choice I make is for me and my daughter. Every decision is well thought out with her best interest at heart. Everything I do is for her.
So to the person who tried to insult me by saying “you’re a single mom,” I have something to say to you. Yes, yes I am a single mom. And I am damn proud of it. I am proud of the sacrifices I have made, the decisions I have decided upon and the choices the led me down this path. Because being a single mom has taught me more about myself than any other life experience.
Being a single mom is not a status that deserves pity. It’s a status that deserves a high five and a pat on the back. Anyone who has ever raised a child on their own can tell you that it’s not easy. And at the end up the day I am the one who stepped up and is raising this amazing little person. If anyone ever thinks that they could somehow use that as a way to insult me, then they aren’t worthy of being in my life anyway.
To every single mom (or dad) out there, who is reading this; I want you to know that there will always be people who try to look down on you. Don’t let them. Their pity and insults speak more to their character than it does of yours. Just keep doing what you are doing. At the end of the day, we know who matters the most. Our beautiful children. They are the best part of our lives and I wouldn’t change one single thing about my life, because every decision gave me her and she is worth it all a million times over.