Good moms and bad moms

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A few weeks ago I saw the movie Bad Moms. It was pretty funny and had some hilarious scenes that really made me laugh. But one thing that I didn’t like about the movie was their stereotype of what a bad mom is. Keep on reading!

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The Mommy Wish List

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Every person has a wish list. You know, the list of things you want but might not necessarily be able to have right now? For some people it’s a luxury car or a new house or a trip to an exotic destination. I definitely have a wish list like that! On it are some pretty fabulous trips, a walk-in closet like Cher had in the movie Clueless Keep on reading!

Things I took for granted.

Funny mom quotes 4 copy

 

Before I had a child my time was mine to do whatever I wanted with. Yes, I had a job that came with responsibilities, but once the work day was done I could basically do whatever I felt like doing. It was pretty awesome and I would be a total liar if I said I didn’t miss those days. Keep on reading!

Dear Canada Revenue Agency

Dear Canada Revenue Agency,

Hi. It’s me, Katie.  I know that we have a pretty good relationship. You always give me what you owe and I always give what I owe. I like that about us. We keep it simple and uncomplicated. But CRA, I am mad at you. And it all has to do with cupcakes and diapers. Keep on reading!

The Stepford Moms

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I recently came across a phrase online that made me giggle. I love dry humor and had a good laugh when I saw someone use the phrase “Stepford Mom.”

What exactly is a Stepford Mom? A Stepford Mom is a mother who is constantly striving to be perfect. She feels that everything in her life must be done a certain way and it must be done with a smile on her face. Keep on reading!

12 days of Christmas (mommy version)

Santa Claus with Wine Bottle On Tray
4 more bottles, please.

 

On the first day of Christmas Santa gave to me
A completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the second day of Christmas Santa gave to me
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the third day of Christmas Santa gave to me
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the fourth day of Christmas Santa gave to me
4 Starbucks gift cards
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the fifth day of Christmas Santa gave to me
5 BOTTLES OF WINE!!!!!
4 Starbucks gift cards
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the sixth day of Christmas Santa gave to me
6 hours of babysitting
5 BOTTLES OF WINE!!!!!
4 Starbucks gift cards
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the seventh day of Christmas Santa gave to me
7 luxurious bubble baths
6 hours of babysitting
5 BOTTLES OF WINE!!!!!
4 Starbucks gift cards
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the eighth day of Christmas Santa gave to me
8 full hours of sleep
7 luxurious bubble baths
6 hours of babysitting
5 BOTTLES OF WINE!!!!!
4 Starbucks gift cards
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the ninth day of Christmas Santa gave to me
9 pounds of chocolate
8 full hours of sleep
7 luxurious bubble baths
6 hours of babysitting
5 BOTTLES OF WINE!!!!!
4 Starbucks gift cards
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the tenth day of Christmas Santa gave to me
10 cappuccinos
9 pounds of chocolate
8 full hours of sleep
7 luxurious bubble baths
6 hours of babysitting
5 BOTTLES OF WINE!!!!!
4 Starbucks gift cards
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the eleventh day of Christmas Santa gave to me
11 solo trips to the bathroom
10 cappuccinos
9 pounds of chocolate
8 full hours of sleep
7 luxurious bubble baths
6 hours of babysitting
5 BOTTLES OF WINE!!!!!
4 Starbucks gift cards
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

On the twelfth day of Christmas Santa gave to me
12 free months of Netflix
11 solo trips to the bathroom
10 cappuccinos
9 pounds of chocolate
8 full hours of sleep
7 luxurious bubble baths
6 hours of babysitting
5 BOTTLES OF WINE!!!!!
4 Starbucks gift cards
3 bottles of Advil
2 clean bathrooms
And a completely cooked and stuffed turkey.

…a girl can dream, right?
P.S – I promise I have been good this year, Santa….sort of!

Penny…I mean, nickel for your thoughts

A few days ago I was leaving work and walking to my car when I noticed that something shiny caught my eye. I looked down at the ground and saw a coin sitting there. I picked it up and thought ‘lucky penny’. But it was not a penny, it was a nickel. In Canada, the penny is out of circulation and has been for a few years. Which led me to my next thought, “my daughter won’t know what a penny is.”

The expressions “a penny for your thoughts” or “what’s your two cents” or “a penny saved is a penny earned,” will mean nothing to her! The concept of something costing $4.61 when paying with cash will mean she will automatically round down. This is something that I am still trying to comprehend.

I started to realize that there are a lot of things that I grew up with that she simply will not know. I have composed a list of items that my daughter will probably never experience, and believe me; writing these has made me feel incredibly old! Nevertheless, here they are:

VCRs and VHS tapes: VCRs are extinct. You can’t buy one and you can’t buy videos on VHS anymore. My daughter will never know the pain of renting a video from Blockbuster only to bring it home and find out that the asshole who rented it before her didn’t rewind it! Netflix has us completely spoiled; it can even suggest things we might want to watch and the best part about it is that everything is always at the beginning!

Mixed tapes: Remember when you heard a song on the radio? And then you sat down with a blank tape in your stereo and waited for said song to come on the radio so you could record it? Those days are long gone. All you need to do now is download your favorite song on iTunes and then put it on your iPod or iPhone or i-whatever. There was something fun and exciting about waiting around for your song and hearing it on the radio. Technology has made it so easy for us these days; it almost takes the fun out of hearing your favorite song on the radio because now you can hear it as often as you want! (and without having to rewind a tape!)

Tamagotchi pets: These things were all the rage when I was in elementary school. These little digital key chain pets that you kept alive by periodically remembering to push little buttons that would feed it and give it water. They were so cool and it was like a competition to see whose pet would live with longest. Nothing ruined your day more than if your tamagotchi died. But, you could always ease the pain with a quick trip to McDonalds for their delicious pizza. This brings me to my next point.

McDonalds Pizza: My daughter will never know the deliciousness of McDonald’s pizza. It was so crispy and cheesy and just plain awesome. It was taken off the menu in the late 90s and fans everywhere were devastated. Rumor has it that it is still available in 2 US locations; Pomeroy, Ohio and Spencer, West Virginia. The West Virginia location is only 2428 kilometers away, which is almost 30kms closer to me than the Ohio location, so clearly when my daughter is old enough to sit in the car for a few days we will be making a road trip to West Virginia. She simply MUST taste McDonalds pizza!

Dialup Internet: Oh, that was painful and no one needs to actually experience it. I can remember waiting 45 minutes to download one song. 10 minutes to download an email with a picture attachment and not to mention the inconvenience of not being able to use your phone while you were online. I do think that all kids today should have to use dialup at least once so they can appreciate how awesome wireless internet is!

Disposable cameras: I used to buy one of these bad boys every time something special was going on. Taking a picture was such a surprise because you never knew what you were going to get. Digital cameras have taken all of the mystery out of photography. In fact, a lot of people don’t own any type of camera these days because their cell phones usually have pretty good cameras on them. The downside to this though, is that anyone can become a point and click photographer. It almost takes away from what an amazing skillset photography actually is.

Cell phones: They are our world. My phone has apps for my banking, email, twitter, facebook and games. It also serves its purpose by being my main form of communication. Kids these days have NO clue what the world was like before cell phones became the norm. People made plans and they kept them. People arranged to meet at a certain time. When you went to dinner with a friend, you talked to each other. When you had to wait at the doctor’s office, you read a magazine or chatted to another waiting patient. Cell phones have created a dependency in our society which is almost making us lose some of our social and interpersonal skills. I definitely do enjoy having a phone, but there are times when I wish that all they could do is make and receive phone calls.

I’m sure that by the time my daughter is nine or ten years old there will be all kinds of new technologies to replace existing things. It will be interesting to see what they come up with. What are some things from your childhood that you can remember? What are some things that today’s kids will never know? Comment below and tell me! I can’t wait to hear what everyone else comes up with!!