I’m pretty sure I was meant to be rich. I have expensive taste when it comes to wine, clothing, makeup and jewelry. I’d love to be driving a Mercedes and dropping major money at Sephora and MAC on a regular basis. But the truth is; I drive a Kia and shop sale racks on an almost exclusive basis.
I started thinking I should become a Momtrepreneur, except most momtrepreneurs work for multi-level marketing companies that sell stuff that I’m not even remotely interested in buying. $80 organic face cream? No thanks. Weird little nail stickers? Definitely not. And those candles? They smell okay but I get crazy migraines if I’m around them too long.
I definitely want to get rich, but none of those ideas are working for me. So I came up with my own Momtrepreneur business models. I haven’t exactly figured them all out just yet, but here are a few of my pitches:
Diaper Services. I know these already exist, but not the way I want them to. I don’t want someone to launder and sanitize my reusable diapers. No, what I want is someone I can call when my child has an epic blowout. I’m talking a total poonami. I have a pretty strong stomach but there are days when I cannot handle the shitstorm in my daughter’s diaper. I’d love to be able to call a number like 1-800-GOT-SHIT and have someone come take care of things for me. I’d pay good money to have that service and I bet a lot of other parents would too!
Baby Nail Care. As a new mom, trimming my baby’s fingernails freaked me out. The hospital recommended using a nail file to sand them down. Well that’s a great concept but in reality, it was hard as hell. She’d pull her hand away and cry. I’d manage to do one nail a day, but at that rate it took me ten days to have all of her nails done. By that time I was back to the first nail I had filed. It was constant nail filing. I would love for someone to come in and file my child’s nails while I relax with a glass of wine and some chocolate chip cookies.
Mommy and Me Daycare. I’d love to find a place where I can drop my daughter off for a few hours and then have the luxury of being in the same building while getting a pedicure, facial and massage. Maybe these facilities already exist, but they definitely don’t in my community. Someone could get super rich from this. If they added in a liquor license and served wine they could potentially become a millionaire.
Bottle Services. Wouldn’t it be so convenient to have someone bring fresh bottles to your house every day? You thought I meant for the baby, didn’t you? No, what I mean is a pre-ordered amount of wine delivered to your house. Maybe you require a bottle once a week, or every second day, or maybe every single day. Whatever, I don’t judge. Someone needs to get on this though because there are days when leaving the house with a baby seems like mission impossible, but mama still wants her wine!
Personal Trainers. Not the fitness kind. The kind that will come to your house and deal with sleep training and potty training. I am sleeping training my daughter right now, and it seriously sucks. I dread the potty training stage. I still have at least another year before I get there so hopefully I have figured out how this business model is going to work by then.
I’m not sure how rich I am going to get off of these business ideas, because I don’t actually want to do any of them. I want someone else to provide these services so I don’t have to deal with shitty diapers and an empty wine bottle!
If there are any takers, please go ahead and steal these ideas. Just do me a favor and implement them. Make them successful businesses. I promise I will be your number one customer. In the meantime, I’ll continue to drive my Kia and shop sale racks. Totally worth it if it means someone else will take care of the shitscapades at my place!